Sketchfu-ing since 07/26/2010 (user #101974)
17, female, single
favorite quotes: READ:
Love is a booger, you keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it
A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts
yo Mama Jokes:
Yo mama so fat that her Driver's License says, "Picture continued on other side."
Yo Mamma is so Fat that when she stepped on the weighting scale, the docter said, "Ma'am I need your weight not your phone number."
a man forgot his anniversary and his wife told him to bring her a present that goes 0 to 200 in 6 seconds.so that nite he brought her a bathroom scale
Yo mama so fat that when she got on a weighing machine, it said "one at a time please."
There are 3 guys that are stuck on a cliff. God has gave them each one wish, so they can escape the cliff. But god says that in order for them to get their wish they have to run and jump off the cliff. So the first guy gets a running start and then jumps and says " I wish i could be an eagle!" He goes flying. The second guy runs and jumps and wishes to be an airplane, he goes flying. Then finally the last guy goes, he gets a running start and trips," SHIT!"
Q. What did Santa say to the three blonds on the corner?
A. Ho Ho Ho
James was on the beach, and could not understand why Bob had attracted all the girls, while he had no luck. So he asked Rich "why do you get all the girls
and I get nothing?"
Bob replied "take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!"
So James stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach. Several hours later, he still had no woman.
James went to see Bob again and said "I've tried the potato and it doesn't work!"
Bob looked at James and asked, "have you tried putting the potato in the front?"
There were three girls in a swim race, a blonde, a brunnette and a redhead. They were all doing a swim race, and it was the breast stroke. So they're all swimming and the brunnette wins first place, the red head comes in second, and an hour later, the blonde gets last place. When the news reporter asked her why she took so long, she replied "Well, the other girls cheated, I saw them using their arms!"
A redhead, a brunnette and a blonde are all stranded on a dessert island. There is a island in the middle of the sea, and if they reach it, they can go home. So the red head swims out there, she gets halfway and drowns. The brunnette goes next, she makes it three quarters of the way, and drowns. Theblonde goes next and she swims halfway, gets tired, so swims back to the desserted island.
a blone a brunette and a red head are stranded on a desert isaland.
there happens to be a magic mirror on the island. and if you tell the truth you get to escape from the island and if you tell a lie you vanish!
so the brunette gets up there and says "i think im pretty"... she vanishes!
the red head goes up and says "i think im pretty"... she vanishes too!
the blonde goes up and says "i think"... she vanishes :)
Pick up lines:
Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? because you look magically delicious!
Do you work for UPS? because i swore i saw you checking out my package!
Was your dad a baker? because you have a nice set of buns.
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? i think he went in that cheap hotel room across the street.
my name is ____. that way you know whose name to scream in bed
if you were on the mcdonalds menu you would be named mcgorgeous.
okay so three women get in a crash, die, and go to heaven. when they arrive, they find thousands and thousands of baby ducks on the ground. God says, welcome to heaven! there is only one rule here: whatever you do, you must not step on a duck! if you do, you will be attached to a very ugly man on handcuffs.
so the women agreed and continued they're walk through heaven. it only took the first woman one hour to step on a duck, so sure enough she was attached to an ugly dude. the second woman lasted a week, but also became punished. months and months passed by, and the third woman still hadn't stepped on a duck. God comes up to her one day and attaches her to a stunning, muscular, good looking man. she says, wow! what ever did i do to deserve this? the man responds, i don't know about you, but i stepped on a duck!
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