he's... cute~! lol. I really like his name.. What, oh, your username is named after him? *commencing serious analyzation of your OC!*
Well, normally immoratality is like a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu kinda thing, but I think this is acceptable. I mean, he's like a (Fallen) angel and everything right? But the important thing here is that he can be killed. That's what makes it more digestable. Basically, you explained everything pretty well. I can understand he's a dumbass, he's a slave, and he's immortal, but I didn't get 1) where the hell did he get his trustworthy friends if he's the slave of the demon lord; 2) why does all of Limbonia want him dead? He's already Fallen and a slave, what more can you do to him?
i think this is pretty good~! Hm.... Actually, I have a hard time imagining him a total dumbass. He has to be a LITTLE competent.
Gosh, this sounds like such a good story... I'd really like to read it!
Okay Okay! His back ground story!
He died just like any other mortal. He was judged by the gates and was deemed pure enough to live in Limbonia/Heaven.
Demon Lord Alberio (satan) was at war against Lin (god basically) trying to obtain Limbonia once again. A massacre of angels had died and Eien was caught in the middle of the mess framed. Lin gave out the ultimate punishment and pushed him out of Limbonia, and Fell to Hell as A fallen angel.
Albie is having a happy dance getting a fallen agel and puts him through all tortures imaginable then sending him to his third in command, Luka who likes to experiment of the souls of angels and demons. On one particular experiment of trying to combine a demon soul with his (he hoped the demon soul could killed the angelic one thus taking over the angels body and giving the demon powers that only angels could posses) it failed horribly and instead of killing Eien's soul, the demon is now permanently stuck in Eien. So in times of weakness the demon can take control over Eienkei and wreck havoc and whatnot. He has one good trustworthy friend named Alexial who is the 'grim reaper'. They are both enslaved to do Lord Alberio's bidding.
Long story short, things get good, the bad, then worse, The really bad (character death) and then really good again.
This is a big story me and my friend are writing. It is a shonen ai/ soft yaoi story. but we didnt write it for that, mainly for the plot.
Anyways~ There's a lot more detail i would have to go into about it but thats not the point!
Does he sound too Gary-Stu ish? I know he sounds whimpy, but that's part of his personality. Plus he does have one 'boss mode' power but he doesnt know of it yet and cant control it.
so whatcha think?
Eienkei
Comments on this drawing
Well, normally immoratality is like a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu kinda thing, but I think this is acceptable. I mean, he's like a (Fallen) angel and everything right? But the important thing here is that he can be killed. That's what makes it more digestable. Basically, you explained everything pretty well. I can understand he's a dumbass, he's a slave, and he's immortal, but I didn't get 1) where the hell did he get his trustworthy friends if he's the slave of the demon lord; 2) why does all of Limbonia want him dead? He's already Fallen and a slave, what more can you do to him?
i think this is pretty good~! Hm.... Actually, I have a hard time imagining him a total dumbass. He has to be a LITTLE competent.
Gosh, this sounds like such a good story... I'd really like to read it!
He died just like any other mortal. He was judged by the gates and was deemed pure enough to live in Limbonia/Heaven.
Demon Lord Alberio (satan) was at war against Lin (god basically) trying to obtain Limbonia once again. A massacre of angels had died and Eien was caught in the middle of the mess framed. Lin gave out the ultimate punishment and pushed him out of Limbonia, and Fell to Hell as A fallen angel.
Albie is having a happy dance getting a fallen agel and puts him through all tortures imaginable then sending him to his third in command, Luka who likes to experiment of the souls of angels and demons. On one particular experiment of trying to combine a demon soul with his (he hoped the demon soul could killed the angelic one thus taking over the angels body and giving the demon powers that only angels could posses) it failed horribly and instead of killing Eien's soul, the demon is now permanently stuck in Eien. So in times of weakness the demon can take control over Eienkei and wreck havoc and whatnot. He has one good trustworthy friend named Alexial who is the 'grim reaper'. They are both enslaved to do Lord Alberio's bidding.
Long story short, things get good, the bad, then worse, The really bad (character death) and then really good again.
This is a big story me and my friend are writing. It is a shonen ai/ soft yaoi story. but we didnt write it for that, mainly for the plot.
Anyways~ There's a lot more detail i would have to go into about it but thats not the point!
Does he sound too Gary-Stu ish? I know he sounds whimpy, but that's part of his personality. Plus he does have one 'boss mode' power but he doesnt know of it yet and cant control it.
so whatcha think?